Lyrics

White kitchen walls with a thousand windows Turn on Winston in the den And I'm still asleep but I hear the piano play When you make breakfast after 10 And I smell the coffee on your fingers I still smell the perfume in the bed The crushed linen roses on everything And you're still inside my head You got to make her know how it feels to miss you Let her know you're swapping sides You're not the one with all the problems You're the one with all the pride So just pick your head up boy, and Walk away Walk the coolest walk that you know Cause in a month or two she'll call you You gotta hang up the phone I hope she knows I've got this memory That won't ever seem to break or bend A thick lock and sheet rock is on the windows in the kitchen I don't think I'll ever take 'em down again I've learned a lot from all these break ups and make ups And fuck ups and fake ups Things that I wish you could comprehend, yeah comprehend But for now I'll lace up these wing tip shoes, boys And I'll go and have breakfast with my good friends You got to make her know how it feels to miss you You got to let her know you're swapping sides You're not the one with all the problems You're the one with all the pride You got to make her know how it feels to miss you Let her know you're swapping spit You're not the one with all the problems She's the one that's full of shit So just pick your head up boys and Walk away Walk the coolest walk that you know In a month or two she'll call you You got to Hang up the phone ...

As much as i ...

As much as i don't want to say this...i think i'm falling into the L word... Please be careful with my heart...it's been broken too many times.

The events of yesterday...

Yesterday was a seriously screwed up day. I went to work as usual, but something made me feel like not getting a little off canter before I left. I'm glad I didn't smoke, because it would have probably resulted in something worse that what happened. About 4pm yesterday, I was sweeping broken glass, and wood off of a trailer at the local dump. You see, right now I'm working doing vinyl siding for my cousin. It's not bad money, and it's consistent work. A lot better than my insurance ventures, yet hard work nonetheless. Anyhow, I was sweeping the glass with my right foot, a practice that I had engaged in multiple times, and as the last load was being swept off, I managed to imbed a 3 inch shard of glass into the inside of my foot, and out the top of it. I instantly started bleeding profusely, and being that the shard appeared to only be an inch or so into my shoe, and my foot I figured I had hurt myself, but not as badly as I did. Luckily Scotty was quick to think, and he grabbed a pair of pliers, and removed the glass shard. It was huge. I thought that it had just stabbed me lightly, yet as I said, it went into the side of my foot, and appeared out of the top of it. Ruined a perfectly good pair of New Balance shoes too, which pissed me off more than anything. I liked those shoes. It also sliced through a nice pair of socks, that kept me warm in the mornings. Anyhow, I was driven on the back of a trailer, and up to the entrance of the dump, whereby an ambulance was en route to pick me up. The paramedics arrived, and removed my sock, and my makeshift tourniquet. They looked at the wound, and decided that they better take me to the hospital. It was in the emergency room, that I received three stitches, two on the side of my foot, and one on the top, and was given not only one antibiotic shot, but a Tetnus shot as well. The worst part was when the Doc was cleaning the wound, he used a syringe, and it shot saline solution in from the top hole and out the side. It was pretty gross. They dressed it, and released me. Luckily Drew came to get me. We tooled around, and applied some 4:20 therapy, which seemed to help immensely. Let me state that for the record Medical marijuana should be leagalized ASAP. So now I walk with a cane, and a limp. Hopefully I'll be able to work soon. I'm pissed at the fact that I can't get around very well. When your body doesn't do what you want it to do, then it makes you feel like an invalid. Also I found out that my antibiotic is going to cost me about 100 bucks. Which I can't really afford right now, however, I guess I have to have it. Scituate may have to wait another week before she sees me due to this. Stupid foot. A talk with her seemed to make me feel tons better though, and even though I was a little off canter, we did have a pretty good conversation. I missed her all day, and to come home and have to explain that I'm a dumb ass was a humbling moment. Well, like Iggy Pop said, "Got a lust for life!" I'm still here, and yesterday for once I felt like I wasn't invincible, so it makes me realize that I can be hurt, or killed at any moment, and I should enjoy my time with the people that I love. I'm still missing her, and waiting for her to arrive, so maybe I can feel a bit better. It's going to be a while before I can drive, and walk right. Possibly a few days at the least, and maybe a week at the longest. Oh well, I guess that I'm gonna just have to be patient again. A test of my resolve is something that I need today. Honeybabe, I miss you. Hurry up and wake up.

Lyrics

Ugly Side Blue October I must have sneezedOn knees I freezeI mean I just choked upSomehow I sleptI dream, I meanI dreamt of nothingAble to breatheA sweet reliefNow that you're here with meA northern degreeDove into meNow I'm recovering(Chorus)I only want you to seeMy favorite part of meAnd not my ugly sideNot my ugly sideHook up a C.B. Wave a wayFor conversation flowI'm shoved in your cave, to wage this rageDon't let me goA kick and a scream is all that seemsTo mean a lot thus farI won't let you on my stage, my pageYou can't knowYet you have to know(Chorus)So calm... and now it's darkI look for you to light my heartI'm in between the moon and where you areI know... I can't be far

Some things I don't necessarily agree with.

Ok, for those of you that read my journal, it's very often that I post things about that special someone in my life currently. It's often that I fill pages and pages with prose, and poetry, and sometimes a subtle grasp on the lucid dreams that are my day to day thoughts. Some of you know me as sweet and silly, and others, assholish and deviod of tact. This is going to be the latter of the two. Just a warning. If you'd like to proceed, then please do. Some things that I don't necessarily agree with 1. People who forward things to me in email, and don't remove the headers. I don't want to know first off, who the fuck everyone in the world that has gotten this email about the little white frog of inner peace, is, and second off what each person's signature is. It's bad enough that I get spam in my mailbox that pisses me off, but to actually have friends that are obnoxious enough to send you forwards is just a jaunt at stupidity. Let's face it, there is no Angel of Truth, Butterfly of Happiness, Lizard of Anal Sex, or Fairy of Cock Smoking. If there was we'd have a holiday devoted to them. (hmmm...good thought) I just for once want to celebrate "Giant Moth of Stupidity day. It's on my calendar, right next to "Give Your Momma the Finger Day." 2. People who post rude comments in public forum. Although it may seem that I am being hypocritical, I am not. When someone makes a personal attack toward another person's behavior, it gets to me. Especially if that person is close to me. I'm not out here to judge anyone's behavior but my own. I am strongly opinionated, yet I think that my opinions are my right, and if someone says something destructive, conflictual, or just plain moronic, then I'm going to lash out. Stupid people piss me off, almost as much as control freaks. 3. Short emails from people checking up on you. This is the most lackadasical way of communicating. Does it mean that you're thinking about me? Does it mean you're trying a feeble attempt at talking to me after who knows how long? Does it mean that I need to slap you in the face next time I see you? I think that's the one. I think that people who send short emails, and don't include anything aside from "Hey, how are you?" should be dragged out into the streets, and beaten severely with a sock full of hot nickels. 4. People who have tried smoking pot one or two times, and claiming that drugs ruined their lives. If you have a problem controlling your substances, I don't want to hear about it. I can control my substances. I don't drink myself stupid every night. I have no patience for people who assume a lifestyle such as straightedge, just because it's cool. Fad people make me want to transmogrify into a Tyrannosaurs Rex, and eat them. Just cause you're trying hard to fit in doesn't mean that you have a right to try to change my lifestyle. This goes the same for the religion freaks too. Please form a line to the left, and the slapping will commence. 5. My final gripe, ignorance. If you're too ignorant to understand something, and instead you have to "Fake" your way through it, then kudos to you. You're a meat head who should be pushed into oncoming traffic. If you don't understand something, then ask someone who does. If you're too stupid to live, then I say let the chips fall where they may. Get a clue before you try bouncing your half-assed knowledge my way. I am not a stupid man, and I have experience in a lot of different areas. Not to say I'm not wrong sometimes, there are times when I am. I will let you know if I don't understand. The same should hold true for you. Ok, that's my bitches, I have about 15 more, but I have a friend waiting on me, so I don't want to go any farther. This is not designed to infuriate people, but if it did, then I encourage you to seek outside help. My opinions are my own, and your opinions are your own. Good luck with the introspection, don't burn the fucking house down. My $.02

Twentysomethings

The title of a book I never wrote. A daft and pointless attempt at psychobabble for the masses. It would have been the most annoying piece of drivel ever written. Who wants to hear about the lives of a group of friends in their twenties. Although, I think I've changed my perspective. I think I will write the book. I think I'll write it from different places, different people, and different points of view. Maybe I'll even put you in there somewhere. I gained a bit of contempt for my flip-flops tonight. Not because you don't like them, but because you stuck up for me. That makes me really understand how much you like me. And the moment, don't let me lie to you and tell you it's not been a thought that has been on my mind as well. Texas huh? A bit unbecoming, but a fitting nickname. I do call you Scituate. Maybe that's my fault. Needle in the hay runs over and over, and I realize how abstract this post is getting. A lot of things were said tonight, and I can still hear your voice ringing in my ears. It's wonderful. Thanks for the wake up call. For some reason I have trouble getting my thoughts together. I feel discombobulated. Maybe I shouldn't smoke before I go into work. Although it does make the day pass a lot faster. Of course, if I could be home all day I'd love it too. That means more time to do the things I want to do. I need a cold beer, because I haven't had one. I need to sleep. I need to remember that I have a demanding job. I hate being controlled by the things that fuel our society. Money, power, fame. Oh well. This is becoming a rant, and a rave. I don't know where it's going. Kamakazi aeroplane time. Let's get lost in each other, on a couch somewhere. Goodnight love. I'll talk to you today.

:D

austinscorpio23's LiveJournal Secret Crush Stats The below statistics indicate what sorta crushes austinscorpio23 has on his LJ friends!No Crush87.5%Secret Crush0.0%Public Crush12.5%Ex-Crush0.0%What are your LiveJournal Secret Crush Stats?Tired of the sickly Suicide Girls? Faux geek porn got you down?Check out That Strange Girl.

I may be ugly, but I got personality!!

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results Sociability |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82% Gregariousness ||||||||||||||| 42% Assertiveness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Activity Level ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Excitement-Seeking |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Enthusiasm |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Extroversion |||||||||||||||||||||||| 75% Trust ||||||||| 30% Morality ||||||||||||||| 42% Altruism |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Cooperation ||||||||||||||| 42% Modesty |||||| 18% Sympathy ||||||||||||||| 46% Friendliness ||||||||||||||| 42% Self-Efficacy ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Neatness ||||||||||||||| 46% Dutifulness ||||||||||||||| 46% Achievement ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Self-Discipline |||||||||||||||||| 54% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 38% Orderliness |||||||||||||||||| 51% Anxiety ||||||||||||||| 46% Anger |||||| 18% Depression |||||||||||| 34% Self-Consciousness |||||||||||| 38% Impulsiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Vulnerability ||||||||| 22% Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||||||||| 64% Imagination |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Artistic Interests |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Emotionality |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82% Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Liberalism |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 84%

thoughts

Listening to Blue October, I hear the solace in your voice. It seems to reflect a dull echo of the times when you have felt less than happy. A solemn reminder that sometimes even at our most liberated, we feel trapped. Sometimes inside of our own skins. I don't envy your moment of insecurity, and I hope that it was just such, a moment. A time at which you needed to write, and express, and let that which drives you insane get a small taste of vengence. I know you better with every passing day, and you have become an obsession. One of which makes me want to change my life around to be near you. One of which that truly makes me see the depth inside of myself, and those around me. I thought about you all day, and amidst the sound of power tools, and the constant laughter of my peers, I smiled insanely. Knowing, that coming home would warrant another chance to speak to you, in that language that only we understand. The little things matter, as you say, and I don't want them to ever stop. You have a piece of my heart that I think has always been reserved for you. I guess it was just waiting to be picked up. "I could sit here for hours, waiting on your arrival. I could sit here for days just hoping you'd come out and play."Come out and play, because I need you.

I'm together when I'm with you...

I feel happier than I've felt in days. I feel stronger than I have, and my affirmed fears of you losing interest have been condemned to my own insecurities. I love the way we dance. I love the effortless conversation that makes me want to fall in love with you. I love to hear you breathing, and that giddy voice you get when you make a great point. I love the way you laugh, and the smile that stretched ear to ear when I can feel you inside my head. I love the way you call me sweet pea, and remind me that the phone has been charging for an hour. That means we get one and a half of talk time. I love how you spend your minutes wishing I was there, holding you, and letting myself spill over into your heart. When the emotion gets to much, and we have to just sit there taking it all in, and letting it all go, that's when I feel truly free. Like someone has just opened my cage door, and let me out. I can't explain myself sometimes, I can't make you understand that if you're game, then I promise to be there as long as you let me. I'm in it for the long run. I'm not a fly by night. I want to be the boy that grabs ahold of your heart and never lets go. I want to be the boy that makes your knees weak now, and later. You're so comfortable, it's scary. You're so easy to talk to. You're so close, that I could reach over and tousle your hair. Damn the distance, cause I know that if we want to be together bad enough then we will. I miss your voice. I miss the feeling of together that I have when I talk to you, and although the conversation sometimes turns into heated discussion, I never forget that I feel more complete when you're on the other end of that line. What have I gotten myself into?

Missing you...

So many people to love in my life, Why do I worry about one? I should have been here. I should have been here. I should have been here.